Yes there are adverts here (but only on individual post pages). If they turn out to be more irritating than rewarding, I will get rid of them.
And now, some pop lyrics:
We’re just receiving reports of an incident on a farm in Sussex, where a number of people have been arrested in connection with annoying the nation.
It is believed that the owner of the farm, a Mr Hibbert, has been co-operating with police and government officials, in a plot codenamed “Operation Less Pricks”, and kindly granted permission for the use of a 17th century tithe barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested.
Although not confirmed, we are led to understand that those already charged include
- bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop
- taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door
- people who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter – not stopping to think that it is the people who drop litter, not the council
- a room full of drama teachers listening to Björk
- grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target
- an assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don’t know how to use them
- a musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article entitled “Microphone of the Month”
- a woman who described herself as a little bit “Bridget”, a little bit “Ally”, a little bit “Sex and the City”, who chose to call her baby boy “Fred” as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. A bit of advice – call him Rupert – it fits. And besides, it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred, or Archie, with all its cheeky but loveable working class scamp connotations – unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s, waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott
- also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly
- an amateur thug in camouflage trousers, whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate
- a man from the record company, who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music
- Lisa Riley
- continuity announcers introducing comedy shows
- a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves
- a group of football fans referred to as “Commodores” – as in “Once, Twice, Three Times a Season”, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at cup finals
- an artist who says his next album will be more “song-based”
- a man who informs people that he gets up at six o’clock every morning, and seems to want a medal
- people who say they “speak as they find”, and are somehow proud of it
- journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh
- an organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks
- and a council worker who had dropped litter
We’ll bring you more details, as they emerge.
“Breaking News” –Half Man Half Biscuit
Get the MP3 here (track four under “Peel Session, 3 September 2002″), and buy the new album here.
