Firstly, apologies to the lyrical God who is Morrissey.

Secondly, it’s about time that people who never even bothered to learn how to read and write their own language were given a pointer as to why this could possibly be a good idea…

It’s fairly common knowledge amongst my family and friends that the pinnacle of my academic achievement was reached when I managed 8 reasonably decent GCSE passes at age 16. Yes, I was supposed to attend Oxford, yes I was predicted a first. Great things were certainly expected academically. And yes, I utterly failed. By age 16 I was done with academia – if I hadn’t already been bored silly with education, Birkdale High School ensured that I was sufficiently furious with the state education system by the time I was old enough to vote with my feet.

So I dropped out. But I still to this day read a novel every week or two, and have done since I was a child (and decent English-language novels are hardly plentiful in Bangok, Thailand. No, I don’t want to read The Da Vinci Code again. I didn’t even want to read it the first time). I understand and comprehend my own language. Yes, I make typos every now and again, but I also have the requisite gumption to apply the appropriate amount of diligence to my output.

If I’m writing a blog post, I’ll proof-read it manually. If I’m writing a song lyric, I may not even do that until publication. If I’m writing (or even reading) a legally-binding contract, I’ll go over it with a fine-toothed comb – not only for spelling, but punctuation.

Otherwise something like this might happen…