Monthly Archives: May 2006

Home comforts

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10

A few people have asked me if there’s anything I miss about England. Until now, I hadn’t really been able to think of anything – the weather’s better here, the cost of living is far lower, my quality of life is hugely improved. And the scenery is quite astonishing!

My diet’s changed pretty drastically, I think I’m finally losing weight. Fortunately I love Thai food (and especially all things spicy) so it’s not hit me quite as hard as it would some of my friends.

Bread is an alien concept to many Thais – it’s “farang food”, and nothing else. Sure, it’s available, but only we whiteys are buying it. Same goes for anything bread-shaped or bread-based! I can get a pizza delivered for ฿199 (£3), but I do feel like I’m cheating a bit when I do.

Most days I’ll eat standard Thai fare at a street cafe for less than £1 – pappaya salad, pork fried rice or maybe some spicy beef & sticky rice. Ocassionally I’ll cheat and have a burger & fries in a bar somewhere (obviously I lose less weight on those days…).

But there’s one thing I can’t find. And yes, there is now something I miss about England.

McDonalds' Sausage and Egg McMuffin

McDonalds’ Sausage and Egg McMuffin. Can these be sent by air mail, perhaps?

The Fortune Teller

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5

Wandering down Sukhumvit on a Tuesday night, or actually the early hours of Wednesday morning, I pass a wizened woman with a pack of Tarot cards. And then stop. “Right, I’ve always wanted to do this”, I tell my Thai friend. “Can you translate for me?”

So I sit on a concrete step, as the whole world ambles past, as this woman draws endless combinations of cards, constantly jabbering in rural Thai. My grasp of the language is pretty appalling anyway, but I think even most of my western friends with a decent hold on the language would have struggled here. My Thai friend tells me the gist of it as we go along.

Much of it was the same thing repeated – whether this is because of the cards that came out, or because the fortune teller was feeling particularly uninspired, I can’t really say. Essentially she told me that:

  • I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it
  • This year will be occasionally difficult but next year will be better
  • Next year will be a good time for me to get married

Not so sure about that last one. According to my palm I will live a long life, and if I have children then they will be terrific.

It all got me thinking – do some people ever get a bad fortune reading? Obviously I don’t believe in Tarot cards’ ability to predict the future, any more than I believe that the lines on your palm can predict when you’ll die, or that George W. Bush really does gets his policies from a supreme being with a big beard, sitting on a cloud. But surely the object of the exercise is to tell people what they want to hear. Does anyone have a really short life line? Does anyone ever get told that they will live a life of misery, then die in pain and alone? I’d love to know whether people are ever told less fortunate fortunes – and if so, did they tip?

Stormy Weather

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1

After a particularly heavy night out with Milo and Sonny, I’m woken up late this morning by the sound of the door to the balcony being rattled almost off its hinges.

I awake with a start – who the hell is on my balcony? How did they get there? And why are they rattling the door?

And then the thunderclap sounds as the room is lit up, even through the heavy curtains, by the accompanying lightning bolt.

The balcony door is being rattled only by the wind – it’s the mother of all thunderstorms, Thailand-style.

Every the optimist, I grabbed my camera and starting snapping randomly, hoping to catch an elusive lightning bolt. Predictably, I managed only to capture a dull sky.

Within a few minutes the storm has passed – the wind dies to a whisper, the torrential rain stops, and the puddles start to dry up almost immediately in the heat. Within an hour, you’d never have known it had rained…