Friday

The adventure begins on Friday afternoon, Day Zero really since I’m still in England. My car arrives to drive me to Heathrow – I grab my bags, hug Sian, and I’m off.

“The problem with all these bloody foreigners,” begins my driver, quite uninvited. I sigh, and stare out of the window. Two gruelling hours later we arrive at Terminal 3 and I’m delighted to be able to jump out and check in.

There’s no queue at all at Thai’s check-in desk, and I just dump my case and pick up my boarding pass without having to wait at all. This is going to be easy, I tell myself. A quick cigarette, then I hop up the stairs, make my way through a worrying throng of people and collect my currency. I might as well make my way through to departures now. And with a start, I realise that the throng is the queue for departures. It stretches from the gate all the way along the corridor, to Travelex and around the corner, all the way up to Burger King at the end, then doubles back on itself and comes all the way back down to the main corridor again. This is going to take forever, I think – and it does. Ninety minutes of queuing later I’m almost at the first security check. Then passport control. Sigh. Just time for a final cigarette before heading to the gate, and another queue. Then of course the plane is delayed by an hour, so we all sit cramped at the departure gate for an hour with no smoking or toilets. Nice.

Eventually I’m on the plane (”Sawasdee krap”^[1] I smile to the welcoming stewardess. “Hello”, she replies. Oh well…), say hello to the middle-aged couple next to me, set my watch to Thai time (5.30am Saturday) and miraculously manage to sleep.

Saturday

I wake up somewhere over India, about three hours from Bangkok. Breakfast is scrambled eggs, bacon and hash brown. But none of it tastes of anything, obviously. Can’t wait to taste real food again. I chat to the couple next to me – it’s their first trip, they know nothing about Thailand, and want some advice on where to go. I point them to the Grand Palace, Suan Lum Night Bazaar, and a few other recommendations. The bloke asks about where to find the counterfeit market stalls. I tell him about Patpong, but warn him that it can be more hassle than it’s worth – continual hassle from people trying to drag you into the go go bars, ladyboy bars etc. He nods, understandingly, and then forcefully draws a large ring around Patpong on his tourist map, saying “fake Gucci handbags!” to his wife. I smile.

Eventually we land and slowly filter off the plane. “Sawasdee, khawp khun makh krap”^[2] I smile at the stewardess. “Thanks, bye”, she replies. Never mind.

I dart into the smoking booth, it’s thick with smoke and relieved smokers. Then more queuing as I reach immigration. Finally I’m at the desk, hand over my papers and passport, and wait. The girl seems to be having some kind of computer problem, but doesn’t say anything – I just get a series of nervous smiles. Eventually all is well and I can make my way to the luggage carousel.

My case is the 892nd out, as usual, but at least it’s here. I trundle through “Nothing to declare” and am waved through, as usual. Then I’m out into Arrivals, and Martin’s here – for the third year in a row he promised to meet me at the airport, and this year he’s actually made it. Third time lucky!

We negotiate a path past the taxi touts, and make our way upstairs to Departures where we can get a taxi without paying a booking fee. Sure enough, as soon as we walk outside there’s a cab that’s just dropped some people off, and we’re soon on the way to Martin’s new apartment at Bangkok Garden.

Martin’s girlfriend, Tik, is in the pool having her swimming lesson when we arrive. We say hi, then make our way up to the 15th floor and Martin’s apartment. I’m very impressed – polished wood floors, terrific furnishings and some very snazzy technology. Martin’s Powerbook is wirelessly piping music from iTunes to his Airport Express and into his very funky looking stereo. I’m shown to my room, with it’s guest laptop (which I’m writing this on now), air conditioner, and city view.

We head down to the pool for a swim – it’s getting dark, but the pool is lit up and looks awesome. Then off to a posh restaurant called “Eat Me” for some haute cuisine (nice food, but small portions and a big bill), then it’s time to party. We head out to Hu’u, a very trendy bar at the Ascot Hotel in Silom, where we meet up with Ho Yu and Ying. Ho Yu is a Malaysian girl from Martin’s gemology course, and Ying I met last year on Koh Sichang.

The girls (and Martin) hit the cocktails, but I’m aware of how tired I am so stick to the beer to save myself (and those in my company) from the dangers of a tired Barry on spirits. Corona is cheaper in Islington than here, but this is hardly a typical Bangkok nightspot!

Eventually it’s time to go – Ying leaves with a friend, and Martin, Tik and I drive back to the apartment, dropping Ho Yu off on the way. I watch Martin’s hilarious scuba diving DVD from his trip to Koh Tao last year, sit up talking for a while, then sleep.